A life lived by design, not default
A few weeks ago I wrote about the leadership training program at my company.
This is the second of three sessions I’m facilitating this year. As with the last one, I thought I’d share some of my thinking in case you or anyone you know might benefit from it.
Again, these are super rough speaker notes. What’s not reflected are the pauses we took for rich group discussion.
This session was inspired by Greg McKeown’s excellent book, Essentialism. It’s an easy, intuitive, quick read. Highly recommend it.
How many of you can relate to a calendar that looks like this?
Our days are overbooked.
Our kids’ days are overbooked.
Hell, even our pets are overbooked.
It’s neither a fulfilling or sustainable way to live.
And while working from home has its positives, it has also enabled day after day of meetings with few breaks and little time to recharge.
In 2012 I read an article in the New York Times —The Busy Trap — that instantly and fundamentally changed my perspective on time, schedules.
The hypothesis of the article is as searing as it is simple:
“[people are] busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence.”
It goes on to suggest a provocative notion:
“Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.”
But also provides hope, for those of us who aren’t interested in being victims of someone else’s priorities:
“The present hysteria is not a necessary or inevitable condition of life; it’s something we’ve chosen, if only by our acquiescence to it.”
This article stuck with me for years.
After revisiting it a couple years ago, I wrote these New Year’s resolutions.
The essentialist:
Considers their choices, based on what matters and what gets left behind.
Is disciplined about the pursuit of less.
Lives a life of fulfillment.
Which reminds me a lot of Marie Kondo.
For me me it comes down to agency.
When we surrender our agency we give power and permission to others to choose for us.
My god that sounds horrible.
Six takeaways from Essentialism, lifted from here.
- Learn the difference between hyperactivity and productivity: In our uber-connected, ambition-crazy world, we often mistake hyperactivity for productivity. We subconsciously associate more work with more results. We believe that the more hours we put in, the better our output. This attitude is intrinsically flawed.
- Discern the “Vital Few” from the “Trivial Many”: “Non-Essentialists get excited by virtually everything and thus react to everything. But because they are so busy pursuing every opportunity and idea, they actually explore less.“ In this line of thought, essentialists “go big” on a few vital projects instead of trying to commit to many, less critical endeavors.
- If it isn’t a clear yes, then it’s a clear no: Instead of deciding according to half-hearted cues, we should set clear criteria that will result in an unequivocal yes or no.
- Apply a zero-based ownership and budgeting model: If you didn’t already own an item, would you still buy it? If you hadn’t already invested money and energy in a project, would you continue nonetheless? And finally, if you hadn’t already spent time in a relationship, would you restart the same relationship today? This zero-based model allows us to take a step back and analyze life’s challenges with clarity.
- Set clear boundaries in your life : Whether it’s at work, in your social life, or in your leisure time, saying no is not a weakness. It is a crucial part of liberating yourself from the things that don’t matter to you.
- Less but Better: This is, really, the crux of Essentialism.
So what gets in the way of living by design?
Societal pressure: The way we value career, wealth and fame over family, health, peace.
Competing agendas: What’s important to me might be different than my kids, my friends, my colleagues, my boss.
Preponderance of choice: It’s hard to choose the right thing when you have the option of EVERYthing.
Fear: Of disappointing, not having it all, missing out
Love: A desire to please, comfort and make other people happy.
I’m not particularly great at saying no, but I work on it. A few things I do to set boundaries and give myself time to think:
- No Saturday emails.
- I block time on my calendar nearly every day to work.
- I explicitly ask for deadlines when not given.
- I always give deadlines when I ask for something.
- I run 4–5 times a week.
And I try to eliminate trivial choices, which I stole from the famous guy pictured above.
A few prioritization models:
Eisenhower Matrix:
Action-Priority Matrix:
I found McKeown’s models so-so. The only weakness of the book.
Regardless of how you make a decision, it’s important that you try to wring out as much subjectivity as you can from the process. Meaning, try not to let bias or fear push you into a yes or no.